Winchester Withdrawal

My mainly Supernatural blog with other tidbits thrown in for good measure.

Posts tagged WOW




[rolls in the supernatural office and whispers into jeremy carver’s ear: “give sam a meaningful relationship with a side character or your ass is going to have a meaningful relationship with my foot”]

#IS IT ANY FUCKING WONDER HE WAS JEALOUS OF CAS AND BENNY?! #whenever SAM tries to make a friend they either die or turn out to be evil or both #or he feels compelled (LARGELY BECAUSE HE FEELS HE OWES IT TO DEAN) to end the relationship #and then Dean (WHO NEVER EVEN USED TO WANT FRIENDS FYI) swans along and finds a ‘sister’ and a new ‘brother’ in the same year #(the same year Dean is FURIOUS AT SAM for DARING to try and have a girlfriend) #not to mention how incredibly hung up on and attentive Dean is over Cas #who Dean has had this intimate ~THING that Sam has ALWAYS been excluded from #it’s going to leave Sam thinking ‘this life we lead doesn’t allow attachments… okay I get it… it hurts but okay I’ll do it for the world #’…no wait but - Dean you told me we can’t have friends but thOSE ARE FRIENDS DEAN WHA- HOW IS THIS FAIR?!’ #only then because he’s SAM he eventually takes this not as an unfair imbalance but as ‘oh noes Dean is REPLACING ME COS I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ #and then you get the S08 finale scene in the church #and I can’t believe I NEVER NOTICED that Sam was so lacking in the meaningful relationships outside his brother department #I’ve been SO HUNG UP on DEAN needing friends and a life outside Sam #I NEVER EVEN SAW that Sam was in DESPERATE NEED of a LIFE OUTSIDE DEAN as well #I just assumed Sam always HAD a life of his own outside Dean #he keeps going off on his own #after all… #oh SAM #Sam is cool too (via littlehollyleaf)

Wow these tags are SO WRONG, where do I even begin? It’s not any wonder they were written by someone who says they never noticed obvious things about Sam.

First of all, stop demeaning Sam as a character to just “he wants a normal life, and he’s jealous of Dean’s friends.” I understand it’s difficult to go beneath the surface with Sam (especially if you’re not as invested in him) since the show is primarily told from Dean’s POV, but you brushed off Sam’s time with Amelia and his desire to be with her as simply “Sam wanting a life outside of Dean” and you probably think that’s why he didn’t look for Dean when he was in purgatory, but you’re completely wrong. Sam wasn’t happily playing house while Dean was fighting monsters in purgatory. All signs point to Sam having a psychotic break after Dean died. And I say ‘died’ because that’s what Sam thought Dean was: dead; not in hell or purgatory, but living it up in a field of fireworks waiting for Sam to join him. Sam says in 8.01, “Nothing says ‘family’ quite like the whole family being dead…And far as I knew, what we do [hunting] is the thing that got every single member of my family killed. I had no one – no one. And for the first time in my life, I was completely alone. And, honestly, I-I didn’t exactly have a roadmap.” Even after Dean got back, it’s no wonder Sam didn’t want to hunt again. As you’ll recall, at the end of season 7, Sam was already in a fragile mental state, bearing the burden of remembering millennia of torment at the hands of Lucifer and the only way he was able to differentiate reality from his hallucinations was by making Dean his “stone number one” (7.02), the stone number one that Sam thought exploded in a pile of black goo and was gone forever at the end of 7.23 when Crowley told Sam, “you’re well and truly on your own now.”

Further evidence that Sam wasn’t in a completely sane state of mind when Dean was gone is littered throughout season 8. In 8.08, we had Sam’s flashbacks to when Amelia’s father visited and after knowing Sam five minutes he said that Sam looks like he’s “been through the meat grinder,” the look that “let’s you know they’ve seen a lot of crap they can’t forget.” Later, Amelia’s father says, “Sam is a mess” and Amelia responds with “I’m a mess…So please, just…let us be messes together.” Thus, Amelia and Sam were not in some honeymoon phase of love; they were mourning their respective spouses, who they both (wrongly) thought were dead. Also in 8.08, Sam’s story was clearly meant to parallel Fred’s, the hunter who went insane, when Sam said to him, “Look, it can be nice, living in a dream world, it can be great, I know that. And you can hide and you can pretend like all the crap out there doesn’t exist, but you can’t do it forever.” Not to mention what a nurse said to Sam about the hunter, “A lot of these people, they just tune out and live in their own heads. It’s like…maybe the real world is too much for them, and they just run and hide, you know?” And what Fred says to Sam drives my next point home, “I’m gonna lose control again, and someone’s gonna get hurt. Again…You wanna know what’s the worst thing that can happen to a guy with a mind like I got? Losing it.” which refers back to Sam in Mystery Spot and the flashbacks we see of him in 4.09, drinking and popping pills and going on a suicide mission to try and kill Lilith (and Ruby was only able to stop him by saying “This isn’t what Dean would have wanted.”). In fact, in 8.03 there are plenty of hints that Sam was suicidal after he lost Dean again with the lines “‘Dear Betsy…So tired of it all’…You think Brick thought maybe he’d burn to nothing when he crashed that car?” and Sam gives Dean a meaningful look, referring back to Sam hitting Riot. Just because Carver didn’t SHOW us Sam’s months of aimless wandering before he met Amelia doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.

Every time these boys lose each other, they’re clamoring to sell their soul to bring the other back and that has NEVER ended well for them. Dean selling his soul sent him to hell, Sam trying to save Dean from hell led to a failed attempt of his own at soul-selling and a demon blood addiction that broke the last of the 66 seals, Dean researched what he could to try and pull Sam out of the Cage (and according to one of the Supernatural books that took place after Swan Song, he even performed a ritual to try and raise Lucifer again to get Sam out— thus making Sam’s sacrifice entirely moot), so Sam’s actions after he thought Dean died weren’t those of a selfish man, but those of an mentally unstable, grieving man trying to learn from his previous mistakes. For all Sam knew, he could’ve started another apocalypse or unleashed another earth-destroying breed of monster(s) from purgatory if he tried to bring Dean back. 

Second of all, Sam was NOT jealous of Cas and Benny. Sam has never been jealous of Dean making friends. He makes a point to encourage Dean making connections, he never begrudged Dean being friends with Garth, with Charlie, with Krissy— so it’s clearly not about being friends with others. He’s always concerned for Dean when he and Dean lose someone they love or there’s a rift in the relationship (see: John, Lisa, Bobby, Cas). Don’t turn his speech about his self-worth and insecurities in the finale into a selfish competition of “Sam wants Dean to love him most because he doesn’t have anyone!!1!” He’s not petty like that; he doesn’t have enough self-worth to think he’s enough for Dean. Sam said, “What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another — another vampire?” That line had to do with Dean’s faith in Sam, and nothing to do with Sam being “jealous.” (Why should Sam be jealous of Dean and Cas’ friendship anyway when Cas— of his own free will and not under orders of heaven— went into the Cage to try and save Sam from two pissed-off archangels?) The second half of the season was all about how Dean didn’t trust Sam to complete the trials, how Dean thinks he can’t leave Sam alone for a minute without something bad happening and he had no qualms about letting Sam know that’s what he thought.

Not to say Dean was always wrong to question Sam’s capabilities once the trials began to weaken him physically, but that’s certainly not the only time Dean questioned him and this is the boy who has had insults such as freak, monster, abomination, and boy with the demon blood hurled at him since season 4 and he believes them. Even after jumping into hell and being tortured by two archangels for 5 millennia, he wasn’t angry or resentful, he thought he was just paying his dues. And he still didn’t believe he was pure, he said, “I’m not clean” in 8.21 because after all he’s sacrificed for humanity, he still feels like he has something to make up for. He was slowly dying from the inside, randomly fainted and needed an ice bath to regain consciousness and he was happy because he thinks it’s no less than he deserves.And unfortunately, Dean is not innocent when it comes to contributing to Sam’s negative self-image either (though Dean said some of the following things under emotional duress, and he has a right to be frustrated and angry even if Sam wasn’t “wrong” per se because Dean’s only human, the fact remains that Dean showed no remorse for them later and Sam used them as fuel for his internalized self-hatred), he’s said to Sam “if I didn’t know you, I would wanna hunt you” (4.04), “you’re a monster” (4.21), “I don’t believe in you” (5.18), “Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you’ve ever been” (8.06), and “in fact, every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny – he has never let me down” (8.09) and when Sam responded by saying “Well, good on you, Dean. Must feel great finally finding someone you can trust after all these years.” he didn’t rescind his statement.

Sam has every right to be upset that Dean said he trusts Benny, the vampire who helped him out for part of a year so he could get a free ride out of purgatory, over the brother who has watched his back on every hunt, been by his side through every trial for their entire life, especially the last 8 years. And before you use Sam’s behavior in 8.09 as some sort of ~proof~ of his jealousy, look at the actual facts for a minute: all signs pointed to Benny being responsible for the killings, Sam still gave Dean a chance to prove Benny’s innocence before they went after him, Dean kept Benny a secret from Sam until the last minute when he no longer could which implied Benny wasn’t as squeaky clean as Dean would like to believe, and Dean’s actions regarding Amy in s7. Dean killed her despite her having no choice but to kill to save her son (much like Benny had no choice but to kill Martin to protect Elizabeth) and despite her having killed her own mother to protect Sam (a much more selfless act than Benny watching Dean’s back so he could get a ticket out of purgatory), and Dean showed NO REMORSE for his actions when Sam was upset and confronted him. In fact, their fight was resolved when Sam said Dean was right for what he did to Amy, and yet somehow Sam is wrong for reacting the exact way Dean did? So what is Sam supposed to think now that Dean is suddenly willing to give a monster, who all signs of guilt are pointing to, the benefit of the doubt? Even after Dean said in 7.03, “But, people… they are who they are. No matter how hard you try, you are who you are. You will kill again.” right before he stabbed Amy to death. He still said he trusted Benny, a vampire who killed and fed on humans for years in the past, over Sam.You remember that voicemail Sam got in 4.22? That Dean called Sam a vampire, too (for wanting to do something good with his ~inherently evuhl~ powers i.e. kill Lilith and stop the apocalypse— as Dean thought killing Lilith would stop the apocalypse at this time, too). & Sam (who recognized after six seconds that the shifter wasn’t really his brother in 1.06) actually believed that his brother was really going to hunt him down and kill him for something that happened to him when he was 6 months old. And since it was never cleared up on the show, what all that says is Benny killing that hunter for threatening himself and Elizabeth was A-okay because he’s Dean’s friend, not Sam’s. Because Sam’s feelings and emotional connections don’t matter, but those of a vampire do. 

Sam has been berated all season for not understanding that “don’t try to bring me back from the dead” actually meant “you’re a bad brother if you don’t try to bring me back from the dead.” Sam has been told all season that he’s never been a true brother to Dean, that he’s let Dean down over and over again, that his brother trusts a vampire over him, that he’s not good enough to do the trials, Dean doesn’t trust him, even after overpowering Lucifer and jumping into the Cage for Dean (and humanity), even after accepting his hell memories to save Dean and continuing to hunt in that mental state, even after Sam left Amelia to prove his commitment to Dean, even after Sam continued to hunt after the trials started killing him from the inside to the point that he was beyond even an angel’s healing powers (8.17). That is where his speech in 8.23 came from. It wasn’t about Sam selfishly wanting Dean to himself, but about him sacrificing himself to become someone worthy of Dean’s trust. The reason he didn’t say anything sooner is because 1) who cares about Sam’s feelings on the show aside from Dean anyway? and 2) he didn’t want to tell Dean because he didn’t want to be a bigger burden than he already felt he was (even hallucifer in s7 encouraged Sam to kill himself so he wouldn’t be another problem on Dean’s shoulders). And if you think Sam’s issues with self-worth are something new (which I’m assuming you do, since you clearly don’t understand him beyond a surface level) think again. If you still think he has something he should apologize or make up for, think again.

That scene in the finale wasn’t about Dean having other friends, it was about Sam’s lack of self-worth, Sam’s suicidal tendencies, the lengths Sam will go to to regain Dean’s approval. Sam loves Dean more than anyone. He’s the one who worried about Dean’s drinking, the one who worries about Dean’s feelings, the one who told Dean he’s not a grunt, he’s a genius, the one who refused to let Dean go on a suicide mission with the trials to prove his brother’s life is worth more than going out with a gun in his hand.

(via feralsammy)


Sam Winchester’s Journal – Entry #12


H-minus five.

The handcuffs are done. There’s nothing else we can do now, just take a break before hitting the road again in a few hours. Dean has been too nervous to sleep; he pretended to go to bed earlier but he snuck outside to knock back a beer and think.

I’m trying to close my eyes and rest, shutting out everything the best I can, but all I see is a never ending swirl of colors, emotions, and memories that keep coming and going in circles. Everything ricochets around me, bumping loudly against the walls of my room. None of this mess is making any sense now except…except this noise, clear and familiar, echoing above the rest.

Ting, ting, ting.

It’s Dad’s dog tags clinking against each other. The chime of metal on metal from my childhood is something I can recognize from a million sounds. It was irremediably linked to my father like the friction of his hands against the leather wheel of the impala, the slow, deep rhythm of his breathing as he lay passed out drunk on a motel bed or the low mumble of his voice humming Paint it Black while shaving.

I don’t know why I am thinking about Dad now, why I’m reliving this day I got sick in the car because we spent eight hours straight on the road, till I couldn’t bear anymore the confining air of the Impala nor the same Led Zeppelin album played over and over again at full volume, until my head felt like it might explode. Dad stopped the car and took me outside to breathe some fresh air. He curled me up in his big arms and let me play with the dog tags against his neck to calm me down. I can see his drawn features, the blue circles around his eyes, his faint smile and the scar above his eyebrow. I can see how much we look like each other and that in spite of all my efforts, I am closer to what he used to be and to his ideals than Dean ever will be. It took me years to accept it and to follow his steps, to understand what kind of man my father was and what kind of man I have become.

I know that what we’re dealing with at the moment isn’t the future he had in store for us. He couldn’t imagine for even one minute that Azazel was only the tip of this iceberg of crap we would have to take care of. I’m sure he pictured for us a normal life after we took out the monster responsible for mom’s death: Dean finally settling down and becoming a mechanic, me going to Law school again and living in a house with a beautiful backyard, bringing my kids to the soccer game on Sundays, encouraging them to run faster than their cousins while Dean would do the same with his own children on the other side of the field.

But none of this happened and exactly like him, I’m gonna do what I have to do without an ounce of hesitation because I know that, even if what I have in front of me isn’t the best option, it’s the only one I have.

Like father, like son.

(via castieltherebel)



Anthony Michael Simon - Spiderwebs 

Anthony Michael Simon does this by catching spiders, making them spin webs onto these clear poles and then he both highlighted and preserved them by spraying them with a neon colored coating.

You could make art about nature, or you could let nature make art like it already does.

(via queercred)



This is possibly the best photo of a rainbow ever
The natural wonder was captured by photographer Justin Lee, who was overjoyed to find himself in exactly the right place at the right time. Mr Lee, from British Columbia, Canada, was standing close to a cliff at the Tunnel View lookout when he spotted the colourful scene.  He said: ‘The sun has to be in position to get the rainbow, and this photo was not planned by me beforehand. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. ‘I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to see such a sight, and just had to start taking pictures straight away.’



This is possibly the best photo of a rainbow ever

The natural wonder was captured by photographer Justin Lee, who was overjoyed to find himself in exactly the right place at the right time. Mr Lee, from British Columbia, Canada, was standing close to a cliff at the Tunnel View lookout when he spotted the colourful scene.

He said: ‘The sun has to be in position to get the rainbow, and this photo was not planned by me beforehand. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. ‘I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to see such a sight, and just had to start taking pictures straight away.’


(via itsbrotherfuckingwincest-archiv)

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost, 1920

(Source: rubyredwisp, via boydcrowder)